“Always do what you’re afraid to do.” – Emerson.
“Sometimes the reason is just because you’re stupid. (And I had to realize that’s been the answer to a lot of my life).” – Freeman.
The company I am currently working for that has served this area for thirty years is going out of business, closing its doors for good. Its complicated, I’ve never worked somewhere that was going out of business. Quite frankly, it’s sad. I have not worked here very long but since I moved back to the States this is where I’ve worked. People keep asking me when things are going on sale, when they are closing, what am I going to do with my life… And I’m not sure. I worry about that but I worry most for the other employees who work here. Some have worked here the entire thirty years. Seeing my managers cry was hard, this is a business… but a business they dedicated their lives to run.
So what will happen to us? After the closing I know I will not see these people again which is also a sad prospect. A few have become friends, people I’ve shared parts of my life with and theirs to me… Working, the work force is like a community, a little town that you visit for half of the day. You might not like the people you work with but you think about them, after work, during your days off. Not all of the time but you do. They have made some type of imprint on you, whether good or bad.
At the moment life has been a little strange recently. Moving at different paces creating friction and chaffing: looking for a new job, a new apartment. But it’s more than that. It’s finding a new career path, learning a new work space, meeting new people, finding a new home, learning the quirks of that home, and how to make it comfortable. If things go according to plan I’ll be moving in with my partner. We’ll have a place to ourselves.
Which worries me a little. The last time I moved in with someone it didn’t work out to well. And I hope that does not happen here. I always seem to make relationships rocky for some reason. It’s nothing I intend but it happens. Like how bananas go bad before you eat them. You meant to eat all of them but they just caught up with you.
I recently got in contact with someone who I haven’t fully talked to in three years and it opened my eyes a little. He told me he thinks some people are just meant to be alone, he believes he is one of them. I not too sure what I am but I want situations to work functionally whatever situation I am in. I enjoy being in the company of a significant other… but as my friend said, there are many forms of love. Which is true, I learned that while I was living in Korea. Friendships are very important and they will help you jump off the edge of an island into the night water below. They help you take needed risks and I think that is one thing relationships tend to fail at. They are here to supply comfort and not necessarly a challenge. I look at public figures in this instance. Most are single until they reach some sort of status and then they begin to date. Maybe I’m wrong on this but most public figures I know are single and career driven.
There are many things I do not know much about and being in a relationship is one of them, no matter how long I’ve been dating someone or been in the dating scene. It’s something I am not very good at. I asked a few people today: why do people fight. This is what they said:
– I think because we care… right? It’s just that some of us care about the person or the relationship while others care about their issues or themselves.
– I think there are various reasons people fight. For power, control, some fight because they’re afraid, some because of hatrid.
– Immaturity, ignornace, stupidity, love…etc.
– I think some people don’t know why, they just do.
– I think it’s just a misunderstanding. I think people try to make something work. They both want something else but they try to make it work and it clashes.
– Because they don’t know what they want.
I don’t know which ones true. Maybe a little bit of all of them? No one likes to fight… well I’m sure some people do, but I think it just happens and it gets out of control way to quickly. And it’s a shame people don’t intend for these things. It’s hard to put out a small fire when the ground is dry.
– Beirut.
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